do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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