I wish I only lived at night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
