Quick, to the slutcave!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
