fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
