Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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