You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
