I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
