I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hippo gnu deer
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
