I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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