She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
