You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
