I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
