Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
