The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
