Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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