So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
