There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
