an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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