They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
