The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
