If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
