she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You ate ashes out of my bong
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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