Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
