how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
