I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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