Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
