I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Never underestimate the power of titties
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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