There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
