omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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