I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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