Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the day after is always just damage control
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
