he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
