My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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