Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
