So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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