a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
