i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
