Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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