you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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