I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
