I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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