Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
