I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
