omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
