well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
