i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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