can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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