Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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