Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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