I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
