you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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