I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
