I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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