Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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