woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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