remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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