just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Your penis caused this!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
