he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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