I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
