That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
