I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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