im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
