Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
