True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
