Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
