That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods