I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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