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my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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