I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)