Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened

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(734): i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened http://tfl.nu/eey2

Replies (4) Good night (1015) Bad night (690)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.

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(604): I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone. http://tfl.nu/1vtw

Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (2129)
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(516): View more from New York

I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.

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(516): I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen. http://tfl.nu/vaik

Replies (13) Good night (1581) Bad night (3902)
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(519): View more from Ontario

All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.

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(519): All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like. http://tfl.nu/ro2k

Replies (50) Good night (6654) Bad night (877)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

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(203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti

Replies (12) Good night (4911) Bad night (1889)
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(630): View more from Illinois

She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce

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(630): She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce http://tfl.nu/xuim

Replies (32) Good night (4210) Bad night (2001)
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(718): View more from New York

I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

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(718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u

Replies (29) Good night (8421) Bad night (1270)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits

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(678): I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits http://tfl.nu/9nme

Replies (8) Good night (3686) Bad night (1029)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."

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(860): I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off." http://tfl.nu/975o

Replies (8) Good night (1657) Bad night (544)
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(352): View more from Florida

This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.

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(352): This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza. http://tfl.nu/8owv

Replies (2) Good night (1057) Bad night (551)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me

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(+44): They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me http://tfl.nu/sbg9

Replies (3) Good night (961) Bad night (476)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?

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(203): Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013? http://tfl.nu/6zdp

Replies (3) Good night (805) Bad night (535)
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(330): View more from Ohio

STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.

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(330): STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me. http://tfl.nu/p90g

Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (677)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego

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(617): Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego http://tfl.nu/3a07

Replies (0) Good night (586) Bad night (362)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

My life hurts

(615): View more from Tennessee

I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake

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(615): My life hurts (615): I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake http://tfl.nu/1mlr

Replies (2) Good night (306) Bad night (455)

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