when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"