in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.