Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.

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  (425): Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away. http://tfl.nu/ldh5
  Replies (6) Good night (3912) Bad night (1093)
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  (916): View more from California

  my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.

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  (916): my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out. http://tfl.nu/f1nl
  Replies (43) Good night (17172) Bad night (1515)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon

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  (330): yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon http://tfl.nu/yvmd
  Replies (15) Good night (2008) Bad night (722)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.

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  (216): Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket. http://tfl.nu/jk3k
  Replies (10) Good night (2861) Bad night (722)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.

  (415): View more from California

  No.

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  (920): Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay. (415): No. http://tfl.nu/olk0
  Replies (8) Good night (2063) Bad night (693)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth

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  (920): They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth http://tfl.nu/xkac
  Replies (17) Good night (1660) Bad night (686)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.

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  (770): He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons. http://tfl.nu/t6wz
  Replies (9) Good night (603) Bad night (994)
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  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
  Replies (7) Good night (747) Bad night (1231)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.

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  (613): Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee. http://tfl.nu/d96h
  Replies (2) Good night (934) Bad night (330)
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  (693): View more from

  You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml

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  (693): You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml http://tfl.nu/qfop
  Replies (4) Good night (374) Bad night (543)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.

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  (678): You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest. http://tfl.nu/fvym
  Replies (3) Good night (594) Bad night (306)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg

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  (702): one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg http://tfl.nu/43te
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (250)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.

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  (704): You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor. http://tfl.nu/wkix
  Replies (0) Good night (303) Bad night (431)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,

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  (+44): I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking, http://tfl.nu/4img
  Replies (1) Good night (618) Bad night (289)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  My life hurts

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake

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  (615): My life hurts (615): I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake http://tfl.nu/1mlr
  Replies (2) Good night (260) Bad night (399)

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