im drinking this country out of the recession.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep