so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"