If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Don't tell me you're on acid again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
