it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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