I'm gonna have a badass scar
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
