But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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