Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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