Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
